I’m a male mid-twenties who is in a vanilla relationship with a very nice woman. Problem is with my previous girlfriend I discovered that I’m totally into fisting–you know, where you stick your hand and forearm into a woman. I’m not sure how to tell my current girlfriend about my desires that I acknowledge are slightly off the beaten track.
Any suggestions as to how to broach the topic without getting into a “fist fight”, Svutlana?
Dear Mr Fist,
Thank you too much for extreme penetrating question that be slight off beat track like aircraft carrier that try for squeeze in for Wall Street, Mr Fist. There be time when Svutlana think fisting be like pelvic exam that go terrible terrible wrong, but after read Pervocracy, Svutlana attitude change.
For be honest, there be times when Svutlana be engage in happy happy activities and feel extreme expansive where circumference of gashooshlank no be quite enough for me. At time like this, Svutlana would fuck magnum bottle of Veuve Clicquot if Svutlana be type of womens who be in for champagne and no think champagne, like lobster and picnics, be one of most overrate things in life.
Where be me?
Svutlana no always feel like fuck Veuve Clicquot, but sometimes do. Need you for find out if girlfriend, like Svutlana, ever have expansive experiences.
You need for share your predilection with vanilla girlfriend, Mr Fist, but no mention word fist that be aggressive noun that turn in for sexual verb and maybe scare girlfriend. And definite no mention forearm that guarantee me will conjure image inside girlfriend head that you lose your car keys and try for reach inside her vagina for find. Fisting be bit of misnomer because hand you insert be more like duck bill than fist, but for call it ducking maybe ruin delicious sense of sexual subversiveness that accompany fisting experience.
Need you for gentle ask girlfriend if she ever be extreme arouse and think of something little bit more big than your gashooshlank for fuck. Get girlfriend reaction when she watch television–no sit her down special like you have something earth shatter for ask. Simple find out if she be total against or can relate for expansive feelings from time for time.
If girlfriend no freak out when she be of everyday mind, get her reaction when she be extreme arouse with ask if it be okay if you pretend her vagina be turkey in need of major stuffing. Tell her you be experience and promise for stop if she no like one little bit.
For sure you no be in need for fisting tutorial and this education piece be beyond scope of Svutlana vice column, but for those who be interest, you can find more informations here.
Happy Happy Ducking for Everyone!