Where sex be happy happy

Dear Svutlana,

Last time I gave my husband ‘oral please’ his semen was–and I’m sorry Svutlana, but I can’t think of another word for it–…chunky. Or clumpy. Either word sounds disgusting, especially combined with my husband’s name (Chuck!), but the fact is I’m upset.

Is chunky semen a symptom of something serious, Svutlana? Could my husband have an STD?

Chunky Chuck’s Wife

Dear Ms Chunky,

Thank you too much for question that give Svutlana much for chew on, Ms Chunky. For sure word “chunky” in your letter lose us some reader of Svutlana vice column right off bats, but you ask extreme good question. Maybe little bit tapioca semens be more palatable way for describe husband ejaculate. Who know? All Svutlana know be that answer for this question will inevitable lead Svutlana for describe content of semens.

But no just yet.

Believe or no, number one reason for chunky semens absolute no be sexual transmit disease. Number one reason for chunky semens be no enough orgasm. If husband have frequent orgasm, guarantee me, his semens no be one bit chunky. That be said, Svutlana wonder one things: how you know that semens be chunky, Ms Chunky?

It be Svutlana experiences that oral please no be like when sommelier bring wine for table. No inspect testicles for ascertain if this mens be of good vintage, examine penis like it be cork or swish semens around inside mouth for see if have hint of boisenberry inside and good structure, although for sure can make comment on finish.

That be said, if you want for know reason for texture of semens, need you for know something about seminal composition that be as follows (Svutlana prepare PowPoint slide just for you, Ms Chunky):

Seminal vesicle produce food for sperms that contain lot of sugar because sperms have BIG sweet tooth. Prostate produce many thing that Svutlana can no pronounce except zinc that stabilize DNA in sperms. Urethra produce mucus that hold semens together and prevent sperms from escape in for hostile vagina. Final, testicles produce sperms. When sperms build up in testicle inventory like television inventory build up at Best Buy, you get clumpy semens where testicle must unload all excess inventory in sperms supply chain.

It be no big deals, Ms Chunky. Nice vice have Svutlana for you and husband be for make happy happy one time each day for next week. Guarantee me, after one week of ejaculate every days, Chunky Chuck be gone. Also, in case chunky be cause by dehydrate, have husband drink lot of water.

Vice have Svutlana specific for you, Ms Chunky, be when perform oral please on Chunky Chuck, think shot glass and no wine glass.

Svutlana

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