Where sex be happy happy


What are the top three sex mistakes women make?

You can call me…what the hell!…

Ms Muff-Muffs

Dear Ms Muff-Muff,

Thank you too much for ask Svutlana extreme good but difficult question, Ms Muff-Muff. Svutlana take your question extreme serious and will try for answer for best of abilities.

Wish you give Svutlana five mistakes, but unfortunate will have for work with three…

Number 3 Sex Mistake for Womens: Have absolute no fuck ideas what turn you on.

Maybe you notice that mens have fetish far more often than womens. It be something like 90% of fetish belong for mens versus 10% for womens (this be statistic that Svutlana pull out of ass, but it be fair accurate, if you ask me).

One extreme interest theory that come out of Svutlandia Sex Institute in Pooselicken be that mens have more fetish than womens because mens tend for explore turn-ons like dog explore own genitals (and genital that belong for others). In other word, mens no actual have more fetish, they simple be more motivate for look all over places for find. Vice Svutlana have for fix this mistake be masturbate, masturbate, masturbate until you find your fetish. Like Svutlana grandmother Svutnana always say, if you no have fetish, you no come hard enough.

Try for find at least three fetish so that you have back ups.

Number 2 Sex Mistake for Womens: Assume that unless you look like model on magazine cover you no qualify for enjoy sex with partner.

Even model who be on magazine cover no look like model who be on magazine cover, Ms Muff-Muff, so please no do body mass calculate and count number of jiggle bits and bits that hang down or stick out before decide if you qualify for make happy happy. Most important qualify for make happy happy be desire for make happy happy that come from belief that you be sexy womens. Be sexy womens no mean you be sexual attract for others. Be sexy womens mean you be sexual attract for self.

If no think you that you be sexy womens, consider that Cleopatra, who be most sexy womens of all times, look little bit like Susan Boyle…

On left be coin identify as Cleopatra; on right be womens identify as Susan Boyle. Guarantee me, it be sexual confidence of Cleopatra that make her number one most sexy womens of all times.

Number 1 Sex Mistake for Womens: Accept orgasm-lite sex life.

Oh, if Svutlana have just one mease penny for every orgasm that womens give up on because they assume time run out on them as soon as gashooshlank erupt, Svutlana be more rich than Ms Oprah. Sex no be game of Beat the Cock, Ms Muff-Muff. Play too much Beat the Cock and for sure you lose more than win because cock always have head start on clitoris that take some times for warm up.

If go head for head, 99 time out of 100 clitoris will still be do jump jack at start line when cock leap across finish line. This race no be fair, Ms Muff-Muff. This race be like Usain Bolt versus Katie Couric…

Mr Usain crouch at start line with run shoes on and many fast-twitch muscle. Ms Katie be in high heel with long skirt and small stride. Instead of say race be over and everybody go home when Mr Usain cross line, why no continue for cheer while Ms Katie go in for crowd and interview few peoples and walk sideways along track and turn around couple time before cross line in one hour, 33 minute and 10 second? Race be over when both Usain Bolt and Katie Couric cross finish line. Most time. Maybe Ms Katie be happy happy for interview peoples in crowd and never cross line and that should be okay too, but should be choice and no something Ms Katie be force for accept because race be over before she take five step.

Similar, if you assume orgasm must always happen with intercourse because this be superior form of orgasm as if king be superior form of crab, then chance be you be wait long times for orgasm because majority of womens no have king crab orgasms. One theory be that clitoris be too far away from vagina (particular on tall womens) and that gashooshlank can absolute no provide enough stimulate over long distances (except maybe with Skype). Can try for have orgasm with stimulate clitoris with hand or buzz machine when have intercourses, or can just say fuck it and try for have orgasm other ways.

Speak of other ways, oral sex be most reliable way for produce orgasm in many womens, but believe or no, there be mens in this world who love nothing better than for enjoy nice blow job, but no like for return oral favors one little bit. In this case there be no cunnilingus, no orgasm and big fuck problem that fortunate be extreme easy for solve with simple keep your mouth shut until mens reciprocate.

Maybe you notice how Svutlana stretch number one mistake in for three and therefore make three mistake in for five. Apologize me profuse Ms Muff-Muff, but there be no way for get around fact that there be five top mistake.

Thank you again one time for ask this question, and feel free for add mistake for comment section if think you that Svutlana be miss somethings.


Comments on: "Top Three Sex Mistakes Womens Make" (8)

  1. Ms Mountain Girl said:

    Svutlana! You changed your look! Why? Are you trying to say that refusing to look at other possibilities is yet another sex mistake?

  2. Get tire me of look at same template every days for year and one half, Ms Mountain Girl. Beside, think Svutlana that maybe pink is subtle exclude of blue. Think me that white be more inclusive and fresh look for Svutlana. Maybe no like me and go back for old template.

    Who know?

    Yes, if partner suggest new possible and you refuse for even look at, this may be consider sex mistake. But no think me is top five sex mistake for womens because, if anything, womens tend for be too eager for please and end up with write letter for Svutlana because agree for something new and now husband refuse for make happy happy unless wife put them diaper first and have foreplay in playpen.


  3. Anonymous said:

    I agree with the pussy vice. There is something about single women with cats that is so not sexy.

  4. Anonymous said:

    Actually it looks like the new look is a work in progress.
    I think it is time you got your own web server, and built an independent blog.
    If Perez Hilton can do it, then so can you.
    My list of top three sexual mistakes women typically make would be slightly different:
    1.) (Kind of goes with Svutlana's number two) Women's low self esteem, low self-confidence, and poor self-image. One of the biggest difference between men and women is that just about every man honestly feels that he can get any woman that he wants, where as women typically set the bar for themselves very low. This is not to say that women aren't particular, they usually are very particular for health and safety reason, but in choosing their lovers women will usually make a lot of compromises to their detriment and put up with a lot of men's abuse and shit. Men will almost never stick around if their significant other is abusing them, but women (even very talented and beautiful women) will stay with or return to abusive husbands or boyfriends, and men will typically terminate the relationship if they are not getting the last word, where as women will typically easily yield ground to a dominating male lover or spouse.
    My advice to women; always remember that you have the pussy (and it is always good), and you control consent, so don't give up the pussy unless all of your needs and wants are being met, because dammit you are worth all of the respect in the world and your lover (male or female) had better be giving it to you.
    2.) (kind of goes with Svutlana's number three) Women don't go after what they want. Sorry Svutlana, I have to disagree you, I think women do know what they want (though they often times wont admit it), but just lack the the confidence and assertiveness to go after what they want. Case in points sex toys; I have always wondered why it is every woman doesn't have her personal collection of sex toys, so that she satisfy herself, or hand to her lover so that he or she could use it to satisfy her. But it goes deeper than that; women should not be insecure about what they want sexually – men certainly aren't – and should never be afraid to go out and get what they want. If a woman wants a romantic evening picnic on the beach, then she shouldn't feel afraid to ask her lover to give her precisely that.
    My advice to women; all women should make up a list of all the things they want sexually, whether it be a romantic picnic on the beach or their lover to use their favorite rabbit on them, or what ever, but have at least ten wants/fantasies on your list.
    3.) Women typically overlook the better qualities that a lover should have. Actually men are typically more guilty of this than women are, but women – like men – are often looking for the less important qualities in potential lovers.
    There are some characteristics that no one (women or men) should accept, and no one should be pursuing a sexual relationship with a man or women who is chronically unemployable, involved in criminal activity, has too many mental issues (such as schizophrenia), has an uncontrollable gambling addiction, has an uncontrollable drug addiction, suffers from alcoholism, or has an abusive nature or history that he/she is not working out in counseling. But women (or men) should not be discounting potential lovers just because they are geeks or nerds, or because they don't drive expensive cars, or because they don't make more than 50 grand a year, or because they are of a different race or come from a different back ground.
    My advice to women; you have to kiss a lot of toads before you find your prince, but you can kiss a toad on a public bench, and not have to sleep with later in the evening, if he still stays a toad.

  5. Asehpe said:

    I had wondered if the new white background was a reference to virginity, like a white wedding dress… But I'll gladly agree that it is a hymn to variety, a paean to the multifaceted possibilities that human sexuality opens for everybody!

  6. Asehpe said:

    To Svutlana's (and Svutlov's) list, I'd add: communication skills. Some women do know what they want, but they are afraid of talking about their needs with their sex partners. (Some men are like that, too, but it's more often the woman who would rather have her needs “guessed” by her partner than actually mention them in detail.) Maybe that's a hang-up from the first experience — when nobody really knows anything and feels insecure. Maybe some women think that if they talk about what they like and want, their lovers will be scared. Although there are some men who would indeed be scared (especially if the woman happens to have more experience than he), I think that either it is possible to reassure him ('Come on, honey, I'm not asking for anything much, and isn't it good if I help you please me just the way I like? Then I can do you just the way you like…' etc.), or then maybe he's not the kind of guy she should be in bed with.

  7. Agree me with all your comments! Thank you profuse much for add for list in such positive spirit.

    It is nice for hear mens who be receptive for hear what womens want and always surprise me how much confidence mens have who think they can have any womens and how little womens sometimes settle for. Svutlov express this strange phenomenon and offer encouragement in most powerful fashion.

    Have much work for do for prepare for Annual Svutlana Labor Day barbeque that feature Svutlana extreme hot and spice burger, so will leave at this for now, although am tempt for comment about what women actual know about what they want…


    p.s. Have absolute no ideas how for set up independent blog, so Svutlana be at mercy of rather limit Blogger template. This one be little bit bore, but is best of sorry bunch, if ask you me.

  8. asehpe said:

    Svutlana, I'm actually curious — why do you think women sometimes don't know what they want, and when they do often won't talk about it? Is it just the fear of being 'bad girls' ('the kind your mother warned you against')? Are they still ashamed of sex? (My current guess is that they're afraid that whatever they say will be judged as 'strange' or 'inferior' or whatever by their sex partner–especially if s/he is more experient).

    I know there are men who really don't care about a woman's needs, and I guess in some areas they are even frequent. But I frankly haven't met any of them. The men I've met were all concerned with their partner's needs — some were better at pleasing their ladies, others were worse, but all of them thought it was important. The same for the ladies about their male partners' pleasure, by the way. (Of course, it's always possible that some of them weren't being sincere…)

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