Where sex be happy happy

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Why do womens make happy happy?

I need sex for a clear complexion, but I’d rather do it for love…

Joan Crawford

Accord for research of Dr Cindy Meston (Dr Cindy be sex psychophysiologist who also chair World Health Organization Women’s Orgasm Committee–this be job Svutlana covet but get pass up for) there be 217 reasons why womens have sex that can be distill in for follow fourteen categories:

1. Attraction – Womens be attract for masculine male with manly face, voice and smells. Tall mens rate extreme high in attractiveness. Tall mens father more children, have more sexual partners and engage in more extramarital activities than little mens.

2. Pleasure – Duh.

3. Love – In immortal word of Tina Turner “What love got for do with it?”. Love no have whole lot for do if rank pitiful #3 in reasons for have sex.

4. Commitment – Happy happy be excellent way for bond with release of oxytocin, but in Svutlana opinion this reason be little bit bore.

5. Experience – Apparent, virginity be pain in ass for many womens.

6. Adventure – Sex that look like race where must rush from one event for next through mud, up rope, under barbwire fence and over pommel horse offer Svutlana excite adventure that be most favourite reason for make happy happy.

7. Competition – Accord for Dr Cindy, some womens have sex contests where go for bar and see who can seduce most alpha of males. Am no exact sure how competition winner be declare unless womens take saliva samples from their conquests and test for testosterone.

8. Economics and Bartering: Example of barter be wife who put out in exchange for husband take out garbages (this no be example Svutlana make up, but sad example from Dr Cindy research). Example of economics be exchange of sex for position where company get for fuck you too.

9. Revenge: Apparent, revenge sex be best serve cuckcold.

10. Medicinal: Sex be prove for ease headache, menstrual cramps and insomnia. It also be good for Joan Crawford skin.

11. Duty *

12. Mate Guarding – Theory be that if you empty husband testicles on regular basis there be nothing left for other womens, but…

13. Mate Poaching – …there be womens who specialize in poach husbands. Frequent sex actual increase testosterones so you when you empty testicles over and over you prime husband for make happy happy again. Real soon. With whoever be close at hands.

14. Pressure and Coercion – No like me this reason one little bit!

*Best line ever for call of duty come from Lady Alice Hillingdon (1860 – 1940) who famous say:

I am happy now that Charles calls on my bedchamber less frequently than of old. As it is, I now endure but two calls a week and when I hear his steps outside my door, I lie down on my bed, close my eyes, open my legs and think of England…


Svutlana like for think if Lady Alice be alive today she have different reason for make happy happy or at least think of more sultry country, like Canada.


Ten things for sure you no know about orgasm

Am no exact sure what Svutlana learn from this Mary Roach video about orgasms, but it sure be fascinate.

At one point video make me fond remember Svutlandia Sex Picnic toss off competitions that be glamour event of sextathon…

Svutlana go for brush teeth now and hope for best.

Warm regard you!


Do you know what lust do for you?

Watch this education video and find out.

After watch video, Svutlana have lust for help peoples…

Fun with Elf on Shelf

Elf on Shelf offer many possibilities for be sexy and silly. Svutlana encourage everyone with Elf on Shelf for full explore erotic potential of these naughty gnomes.


What would Mae West do?

I consider sex a misdemeanor. The more I miss, de meaner I get. ~Mae West

Mary Jane “Mae” West have much for teach us about how for have playful happy happy attitude toward sex and, if you be female, Ms Mae show you exact how for become delectable dame.

Ms Mae give simple instructions as follow:

It isn’t what I do but how I do it. It isn’t what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it.

Allow Svutlana for deconstruct this quote.

It isn’t what I do but how I do it.

For sure Ms Mae no walk up for ABM machine with eyes cast down so as no for attract attentions. Ms Mae sashay up for bank machine and enter her password like she caress nipples on lover.  Your body tell your mind how for feel. Guarantee me, if you wiggle your hips as you walk down street, your mind think you be up for something good.

It isn’t what I say, but how I say it…

Mae West have unique way of speak that be sexy and sassy. For talk like Ms Mae, speak as if every word hold tantalize possibles of double entendres or rapier critique of social mores. Wherever you go, look and listen for Mae West-isms.

Svutlana give you Mae West quote generator for help:

______ is like _______. The more ________the ____ you_________.

Svutlana generate couple of example:

Sex be like bologna. More sex you have, less you worry about gross stuff that go in for it.

Husbands be like stop signs. More often you see them, more likely you be for ignore them. 

and how I look when I do it and say it…

Mae West know that how you look matters, but only for how it make you feel. Believe or no, study say that peoples who dress in lab coat perform better on quiz than peoples in street clothes. Svutlana absolute no recommend that you wear lab coat, but take little bits extra time for think about what kind of look would make you feel how you want for feel. It never cease for amaze Svutlana how little time it take for make look that make you feel sparkles.

Most important thing for remember about Mae West be that she no give one shit about what peoples think. In world were little thumbs up be most covet collectible, it be increase difficult for be Mae West but it be worth efforts because maybe one day somebody make you in for work of art.

Love isn’t an emotion or an instinct--it’s an art...
            Love isn’t an emotion or an instinct–it’s an art…

Salvadore Dali make Mae West in for work of art and her lips in for sofa. What womens no want body part for be make in for furniture as long as it no be Ikea that imply she be in pieces and in need for some assembly?


Svutlana make suggest for your Christmas shop list


Think maybe you talk in for crotch on Erotica phone…will try no for make obvious oral sex observations.

Apologize me too much for be away from Svutlana blog but be extreme busy with prepare for Nice and Naughty party this Friday. Svutlana must make Santa cream cheese testicles with nuts now, but promise for return for blog as soon as possibles.

Warm regard you too much!



Why this never happen when Svutlana go for museum?



From days of Hollywood glamour…



Postcard from Svutlandia



From Das Bore…