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Posts tagged ‘playboy mansion’

Five things that Playboy teach us about sex…or something

Svutlana intend for make this post about seven things that Playboy teach us about sex because when you write blog you need list with odd number of items. But it be impossible for find seven things that Svutlana learn from Playboy, Hugh Hefner and bunnies who jump on Hef, so here be five:

1. “Playboy be big. It be porn that get small.” Svutlana make up this quote for Hugh Hefner who be Norma Desmond of sex. Mr Hef continue for live in Playboy mansion and party like it be 1969.

Think about Playboy and consider what use for be risqué then look at this commercial…

 

Have me absolute no ideas what Elave be, but want me some for apply for local sensitive places. Never see me so many flaccid hairless laboratory peoples since back in days when Svutlana work at Big Drugged Company and they unsuccessful try for implement casual sex Fridays.

2. “Clock in clock out.” This be how former bunny describe sex with Mr Hef that typical last one minute and be lot like sex with real bunny that last rough 20 for 40 seconds.

Kendra Wilkinson bunny say she have for be high on drugs and alcohol for do Mr Hef, but what for fuck? Svutlana say suck it up if it only take one minute for do. You have for be special kind of dumdum for sign up as Hef girlfriend with absolute no fuck ideas that job involve fuck.

In Svutlana opinion, drugs and alcohol be much worse than make happy happy with somebody old enough for great grandfather. But maybe this just be Svutlana who have things for older mens…

3. Here be what Mr Hef look like if he have wife of similar age and they celebrate diamond anniversary.

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Ms Mary be younger womens who work for Mr Hef for many many years and this prove that Mr Hef be nice mens who no fuck all employees, only employees who have tail and big flop ears.

4. Speak of big flop ears, today white bunny logo that feminist wear in irony around neck like shrunken head of former foe be most valuable thing about Playboy. (Mr Hef no quite understand why feminist no like him one little bits when he be progressive who fight hard for birth controls so can increase supply of unimpregnable womens.) Bunny logo also be on t-shirt in Czech Republic and beer bottles in Brazil because everybody know that playboy wear t-shirt and drink beers.

5. “He grabs himself a dizzy blond once in a while but that’s no life.” Quote from movie that play at Playboy mansion on Manly Old Movie Night (every Monday at precise 6:30pm) as report in Esquire article on cuckoo clockwork life of playboy Mr Hef.

Sex because it be Wednesday (and Wednesday and Friday be Sex Night and you always make happy happy on Sex Night because you be Hugh Hefner and this be what Hugh Hefner do even if require titload of Viagra and small crane for have erection) be no sex at all. Mr Hef be poster boy for worst kind of sexual self-tyrannies–sex because you have sexy image for uphold. Why you no take night off Mr Hef? Why you no take load off your gashooshlank?

So there it be, five things Svutlana learn from Playboy, Mr Hef and bunnies. Svutlana leave final word to Mr Hef:

“Every man should have a Hitachi Wand. It’s a very good vibrator.”

No look for deep profundities from mens who wear pyjamas all days.

Svutlana