Where sex be happy happy

After many years of write Svutlana Blog, Svutlana have new positions. Svutlana be appoint DJ for Orgasmic Jukebox at ODS Foundation, organization with mission for eradicate ODS and increase world supply of high-quality orgasms.

ODS be Orgasm Deficiency Syndrome, odious affliction that affect virtual everybody (except asexual peoples) at some points in their lifetime.

If you want for find out more about ODS and see what Svutlana be up for, you can visit ODS website where you will find blog that be somewhat similar for Svutlana blog, but write in English.

Here be our logo:


Svutlana be extreme excite for be part of this orgasmic organization that be full of peoples just like Svutlana who work hard for make world more happy happy place.

Thank you too much for everybody who read Svutlana blog and hopeful you make journey with me for ODS Foundation.


I need sex for a clear complexion, but I’d rather do it for love…

Joan Crawford

Accord for research of Dr Cindy Meston (Dr Cindy be sex psychophysiologist who also chair World Health Organization Women’s Orgasm Committee–this be job Svutlana covet but get pass up for) there be 217 reasons why womens have sex that can be distill in for follow fourteen categories:

1. Attraction – Womens be attract for masculine male with manly face, voice and smells. Tall mens rate extreme high in attractiveness. Tall mens father more children, have more sexual partners and engage in more extramarital activities than little mens.

2. Pleasure – Duh.

3. Love – In immortal word of Tina Turner “What love got for do with it?”. Love no have whole lot for do if rank pitiful #3 in reasons for have sex.

4. Commitment – Happy happy be excellent way for bond with release of oxytocin, but in Svutlana opinion this reason be little bit bore.

5. Experience – Apparent, virginity be pain in ass for many womens.

6. Adventure – Sex that look like race where must rush from one event for next through mud, up rope, under barbwire fence and over pommel horse offer Svutlana excite adventure that be most favourite reason for make happy happy.

7. Competition – Accord for Dr Cindy, some womens have sex contests where go for bar and see who can seduce most alpha of males. Am no exact sure how competition winner be declare unless womens take saliva samples from their conquests and test for testosterone.

8. Economics and Bartering: Example of barter be wife who put out in exchange for husband take out garbages (this no be example Svutlana make up, but sad example from Dr Cindy research). Example of economics be exchange of sex for position where company get for fuck you too.

9. Revenge: Apparent, revenge sex be best serve cuckcold.

10. Medicinal: Sex be prove for ease headache, menstrual cramps and insomnia. It also be good for Joan Crawford skin.

11. Duty *

12. Mate Guarding – Theory be that if you empty husband testicles on regular basis there be nothing left for other womens, but…

13. Mate Poaching – …there be womens who specialize in poach husbands. Frequent sex actual increase testosterones so you when you empty testicles over and over you prime husband for make happy happy again. Real soon. With whoever be close at hands.

14. Pressure and Coercion – No like me this reason one little bit!

*Best line ever for call of duty come from Lady Alice Hillingdon (1860 – 1940) who famous say:

I am happy now that Charles calls on my bedchamber less frequently than of old. As it is, I now endure but two calls a week and when I hear his steps outside my door, I lie down on my bed, close my eyes, open my legs and think of England…


Svutlana like for think if Lady Alice be alive today she have different reason for make happy happy or at least think of more sultry country, like Canada.


Am no exact sure what Svutlana learn from this Mary Roach video about orgasms, but it sure be fascinate.

At one point video make me fond remember Svutlandia Sex Picnic toss off competitions that be glamour event of sextathon…

Svutlana go for brush teeth now and hope for best.

Warm regard you!


Watch this education video and find out.

After watch video, Svutlana have lust for help peoples…

This be story about drug that original be develop for give white peoples tan with no sun, but in clinical study make rats extreme horny. Everybody in laboratory get extreme excite and Bremalanotide be conceive. Bremalanotide–Svutlana prefer for think of as Slutzal–no only cause erectogenesis that be fancy word for hard-on, but also desire inside mind. And, unlike Viagra, Slutzal work miracle for both mens and womens. Slutzal be first drug in history that be prove for increase female libido.

Peoples take drug, feel hum sensations as drug go down on hypothalamus, and immediate want for make happy happy.

Here be artist Yuko Shimizu depiction of what happen for New York City if Slutzal ever come for market…


As can see you, traffic on West XXX Street come for complete fuck halt. It be clear that Slutzal can never come for market because it lead for economic anarchies. Nobody want for work anymore. Everybody just want for make happy happy on top of taxi with strangers.

Of course there be side effect. What drug no have side effect? In case of Slutzal, side effect be nausea and increase blood pressures. Slutzal be drop in Phase III clinical trial at FDA request due for concerns with regard for risk-benefit of drug.

Risk-benefit? Wait one minutes. Why FDA make decision on behalf of all peoples, especial womens who have no Viagra? Maybe real problem with Slutzal be that it be too good.

Maybe peoples want for spin Slutzal nasal spray bottle and take chances. Can go out for evening and there be possibility that at end of evening, due for too much chianti, that your head be inside toilet. This be chance you take when go out for have good times. Similar, your blood pressures can rise due for variety of factors, none of which be as fun as sex. Maybe you be willing for risk vomit or blood pressure surge in exchange for good chance that you feel hum of desire.

Svutlana work for big drugged company and absolute no be in favour of pharmaceutical solutions for problems that can be solve with lifestyle interventions, little bit coaching and couple of affirmations. But hypoactive desire be intractable problem for many peoples, especial womens, who loose their freak and want it back but have absolute no fuck ideas where for look.

Have me no ideas about you, but Svutlana would try Slutzal one times for see what happen. Unfortunate none of us will ever have chance. What does FDA decision and fact that Harvard no have sex department say about systemic sexphobia in Unite States? What be imply benefit of sex when little bit nausea or pitter patter of heart wipe it out? Why we no have Harvard Sex Review?

Drugged company now work on subcutaneous Slutzal that show promise, but libido by injection maybe look little bits too much like heroin and be much harder sell for Fifty Shades of Grey womens who be market segment with greatest deficit of desire. Beside, what happen for society if womens, those stalwart guardians of maternity and monogamy, all of sudden become fill with lusts? This be scenario Svutlana love for fantasize about. It ignite my libido.

What you think? You want for try Slutzal and take chances or you be okay with FDA decision for remove choice on your behalf?


Sapphic sciatica

Eros, again now, the loosener of limbs troubles me,
Bittersweet, sly, uncontrollable creature….

Svutlana contemplate these beautiful words from Sappho as recover from injury for back that radiate in sensuous manner through buttock and down inner thigh. Maybe Svutlana no suffer quite as much if limbs be more loose.

It seem for me that sex should follow same pattern as yoga. In yoga we do downward face dog follow by upward face dog position so that back can flex one way and then other…


In sex can follow same practice with flex one way and then other…


Svutlana pains likely come from sit in chair at show that go on little bits too long, but prefer for think it be due for combine same back arch in starfish and downward face camel, those bittersweet sly uncontrollable creatures.


Further for Svutlana post on orgasm face, here be link for play game where you try for correct identify if person in photo play drums or have orgasm.

Svutlana perform extreme poor in this game with score 2 out of 10. Hopeful you do better.

Screen Shot 2015-01-08 at 10.30.14 PM

Good luck for you.



Svutlana make happy happy other nights and discover for horrors that bra be stuff with tissues because more early in day Svutlana wear outfit with no pockets or sleeves and anticipate needs for tissues. Mens maybe no know this, but bra be repository of last resorts for tissues where tissues do double duties as breast augmentations.

Svutlana discover that tissues provide comic reliefs that actual enhance buzz. Laughter from tissue cleavage reduce stress hormones and boost endorphins that help make happy happy even more happy.  Further, if store inside bra, tissue can be close at hands for quick and easy clean up after make happy happy. Rather than do trapeze act with try for reach tissue box under bed while still be attach for partner, store tissue inside lingerie and make post-happy-happy clean up quick and easy.


Svutlana intend for make this post about seven things that Playboy teach us about sex because when you write blog you need list with odd number of items. But it be impossible for find seven things that Svutlana learn from Playboy, Hugh Hefner and bunnies who jump on Hef, so here be five:

1. “Playboy be big. It be porn that get small.” Svutlana make up this quote for Hugh Hefner who be Norma Desmond of sex. Mr Hef continue for live in Playboy mansion and party like it be 1969.

Think about Playboy and consider what use for be risqué then look at this commercial…


Have me absolute no ideas what Elave be, but want me some for apply for local sensitive places. Never see me so many flaccid hairless laboratory peoples since back in days when Svutlana work at Big Drugged Company and they unsuccessful try for implement casual sex Fridays.

2. “Clock in clock out.” This be how former bunny describe sex with Mr Hef that typical last one minute and be lot like sex with real bunny that last rough 20 for 40 seconds.

Kendra Wilkinson bunny say she have for be high on drugs and alcohol for do Mr Hef, but what for fuck? Svutlana say suck it up if it only take one minute for do. You have for be special kind of dumdum for sign up as Hef girlfriend with absolute no fuck ideas that job involve fuck.

In Svutlana opinion, drugs and alcohol be much worse than make happy happy with somebody old enough for great grandfather. But maybe this just be Svutlana who have things for older mens…

3. Here be what Mr Hef look like if he have wife of similar age and they celebrate diamond anniversary.


Ms Mary be younger womens who work for Mr Hef for many many years and this prove that Mr Hef be nice mens who no fuck all employees, only employees who have tail and big flop ears.

4. Speak of big flop ears, today white bunny logo that feminist wear in irony around neck like shrunken head of former foe be most valuable thing about Playboy. (Mr Hef no quite understand why feminist no like him one little bits when he be progressive who fight hard for birth controls so can increase supply of unimpregnable womens.) Bunny logo also be on t-shirt in Czech Republic and beer bottles in Brazil because everybody know that playboy wear t-shirt and drink beers.

5. “He grabs himself a dizzy blond once in a while but that’s no life.” Quote from movie that play at Playboy mansion on Manly Old Movie Night (every Monday at precise 6:30pm) as report in Esquire article on cuckoo clockwork life of playboy Mr Hef.

Sex because it be Wednesday (and Wednesday and Friday be Sex Night and you always make happy happy on Sex Night because you be Hugh Hefner and this be what Hugh Hefner do even if require titload of Viagra and small crane for have erection) be no sex at all. Mr Hef be poster boy for worst kind of sexual self-tyrannies–sex because you have sexy image for uphold. Why you no take night off Mr Hef? Why you no take load off your gashooshlank?

So there it be, five things Svutlana learn from Playboy, Mr Hef and bunnies. Svutlana leave final word to Mr Hef:

“Every man should have a Hitachi Wand. It’s a very good vibrator.”

No look for deep profundities from mens who wear pyjamas all days.


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Of course all faces be orgasm face–Svutlana never show pain expression on Svutlana blog–but if Svutlana say doctor snap broken bone in for place and this be face patient make, you probable believe that too.

When look at orgasm gallery one can absolute no help but wonder what for fuck? Why does orgasm face look so ouch? Allan Pease, Australia body language expert, famous say that mens never fake orgasm because would never make orgasm face on purpose.

Apparent reason for orgasm face be that pain and pleasure follow same pathway in brain. At last moment pain veer left and pleasure veer right and we experience extreme pleasure in body but somebody forget for tell face so we get orgasm face also know as beautiful agonies.

Can see more beautiful agonies here.

Happy New Years for you with hope that your 2015 be fill with orgasm faces.